Sasha DeMonaco's Profile

I'm from Amsterdam. I think I'm somewhere between TV and TS. I can compare the feeling the best with the feeling of going on vacation; its great to go on vacation, and you can have a lot of fun there, but its also nice to come home after a while and go on with your normal life.

What is your name and what is your background?

Hiyas, my name is Sasha DeMonaco, but you can all call me Sasha. I'm from Amsterdam, the Netherlands, I'm single and I'm a free-lance illustrator.

Is your name an alter ego "femme" name - why did you choose that name?

I choose that name because it just popped in my head one morning. Actually Sasha was the third name I picked out for myself, my first was Amy (like in a me, another me) and the second one Gina, but neither seemed to fit right. DeMonaco comes from me not being able to choose between Sasha and Monica (this was way before the Monica Lewinsky thing), so I combined the names as a first and last name, pretty nifty eh?.

How old are you and how young were you when you first thought about or actually cross-dressed?

I was born on August 16 1972, you do the math.. I'm too old to tell my age right away. I remember dressing in my younger sister's clothing every now and then as a kid. When I (much) later told her I used to dress up as a kid she was fine with it, until she realised that I must have used her clothes.

Where do you buy your clothes?

I don't have just one place to buy clothes really. When I see something cute that Sasha might like I just have to buy it, whether it is in a normal store in the High Street, the market or on the Internet, Sometimes I do fit clothing in stores but most of the time I know exactly what size I need.

What leads you to choose the styles you wear?

I tend to choose styles that I would like to see on girls I find sexy. Right now that is a more alternative look, but that's also because of the places and clubs I go to when I'm dressed, I get a lot of new ideas from other girls I see.

Do you have one look, or many images?

Oh, I have a lot of different looks. I really like to try new things all the time. My favourite styles to wear now are gothic or punk, but I really like to dress up in the cliche TV uniforms too: Schoolgirl, nurse, French maid etc. Nothing wrong with being a little naughty when you're in the mood. But I can look very casual when I want, too (for going to restaurants or other daytime outings).

Is make-up and hair important to you and if so how do you achieve your look?

Because I like to dress in a lot of different styles, I also have a lot of different wigs (14 and counting) that I use to achieve different looks. Mostly I wear short hairstyles because I think it fits my face better and I really don't like hair in my neck. For make-up I usually wear dark, dramatic make-up (great for the gothic scene of course) and I give a lot of attention to my eyes, I always use false eyelashes and dark eyeliner. If I don't feel pretty and secure as Sasha I can't really enjoy myself. So yes, hair and make-up is very important to me.

To what degree do you practice hair removal, and other body feminisation?

The only thing I do is shave my face, legs and arms when I go out, and sometimes wear a too tight bra so I can push my breastforms up more to create a nice little cleavage. .

Who knows you dress?

Basically everybody knows about Sasha now and I think it's much easier this way. My parents are very supportive about Sasha. I have been to family things as Sasha and everybody is really cool about it. Until this day my granny is very disappointed when I'm not "dressed up pretty" at her birthday. Also I don't have to hide my wigs or photo's when family comes over. At work a lot of people know and I don't think they care about it. So when I still have a trace of nail polish or mascara left-overs I don't get weird questions .

How often do you dress and if you go out where to?

I dress at least once a week and when I go out it's very rarely to "tranny places", I prefer the more mixed clubs. There is a really cool club here in Amsterdam called "Club Vegas" (behind Dam Square) but that's only on Sundays. Like I wrote earlier I also like to go to gothic parties and every now and then you can find me at the local lesbian clubs, meeting up with my GG friends.

What is a man and what is a woman?

In my opinion gender has nothing to do with what your genitalia look like, but more with how your feelings about yourself are and what is in your mind.

What's your definition of feminine?

For me feminine is more about being more elegant than men. Of course wearing cute little outfits will make you feel girly right away too. It's hard to explain... Is it mannerisms? Walking straight in heels? The right colour lipstick?.

Where do you feel you fit on the transgender spectrum CD TV TS?

I think I'm somewhere between TV and TS. Right now I'm on a point that I don't think I'm truly transsexual, although I can feel very feminine sometimes. I enjoy being a guy too. Maybe I can compare the feeling the best with the feeling of going on vacation; its great to go on vacation, and you can have a lot of fun there, but its also nice to come home after a while and go on with your normal life.

Are you happy to be called a tranny or a drag queen or does that offend you?

My opinion is that "tranny" is what I am, and I'm not offended by that. I still find it strange though that some people on the streets have to urge to shout it to you, as if I don't know what I am. Sasha has a business card that says "Drag Princess", I like that.

To what degree do you feel gender dysphoric (i.e. that your brain is feminine)?

I can feel very feminine even when I'm not dressed up. I'm not very masculine as a guy either. I know next to nothing about cars or sports, but I do know the latest fashion colours. It's almost an insult now when someone calls me man, cause for me men resemble boring couch potatoes for some reason.

To what degree would you consider permanent hair removal, hormones, surgery?

I'm very curious about that, but also scared to death of the permanent changes. I have a big box full of herbal hormones I got from a friend that sits under my bed... Maybe I'll try it one day, maybe not... We'll see. Hair removal would be nice though.. I hate shaving (who doesn't).

Do you feel you have any choice in your TG thoughts and actions?

Yes, I like to think that Sasha is my own creation and I can do with her whatever I like. Right now I'm happy with just dressing up but if in the future I would like to be Sasha fulltime. I think it would be less of a problem because my family and colleagues at work already know I dress.

Have you ever suffered harassment or abuse?

Of course I also experienced the occasional name-calling but that's doesn't really bother me, sometimes I can even laugh about it if the comment is funny. Only once when I was out with a TV friend a car blocked the road so we couldn't drive away. But he didn't count on my friend driving a big dent in his car and driving away on the sidewalk.

Have you tried to stop?

No I never tried to stop dressing, but in the past I had a few breaks of a few weeks to load up again. I firmly believe in the saying: Once you do drag, you never go back!.

Are your sexual preferences changed by your TG experiences (even temporarily)?

Before I started to dress more seriously, with make-up, wigs, my own clothes. I could not have imagined myself being with another TG. After two relationships with TS girls and a couple of one-night stands with TVs I'm much more open minded about that. I'm still not really into men though, except when they are very feminine.

If you could relive your life without the TG experience would you choose to?

I think being a TG really has enriched my life. I had so many great and sometimes weird experiences as Sasha that I would never had as a guy. How many guys had deep conversations in the girl's toilets or know the joy of being whistled at for their long legs? If reincarnation does exist I would either like to come back as a cute girl (duh!) or at least a very gender-confused guy.

Do you feel that releasing your "gender gift" has released creativity (poetry, music, art) that may otherwise have remained repressed?

Well, in normal, daily life I'm an illustrator and I know that a lot of TG people do something creative too, so maybe art has something to do with being able to think with the two sides of the brain. But I don't feel I'm more creative as Sasha now then before I started dressing.

Have you ever performed and if so how did you get into performing and what have you done?

Yeah, I have performed in playback shows at local bars and clubs few times and I always get black-outs on stage. I forget my lines, my moves, everything. I'm a disaster on stage. I'm much happier watching and enjoying the show than being in it myself. And when I'm not in it I can always think to myself that I would have done a better performance than the girl on stage..haha.

What one piece of advice would you give to someone that has just found they are not the only tranny in the world?

Have fun with it. And if you find out that blue eye-shadow isn't your colour, try again and try brown.