SO THE MAN YOU THOUGHT YOU KNEW ............ IS A TRANNY

QUESTIONS from WIVES, PARTNERS and GIRLFRIENDS

Where is 'My Man'?
He is still there, he has Just found a different way to express his feelings. It may well be that one of the reasons you love him is due to this softer, gentler side.

Is he Gay?
Unlikely - Transvestites are no more likely to be either Gay or Bisexual than are non-transvestites.

I am worried he might be Transsexual and will want a sex change can he be tested and diagnosed?
This is a natural fear, he may be confused himself and may be thinking that this route would legitimise his current behaviour. However cross-dressing is not an automatic route to becoming a transsexual. Most cross-dressers will remain happy with their part time image and role/change. However there can be no guarantees that transsexuality can be excluded at any point in a TVs lifetime but it is never the less the rarer option. Current thinking suggests that Gender Dysphoria is not fixed at any one point therefore the strength of feelings about ones gender identity can be fluid. There is no diagnosis, which can confirm that he will NEVER take up the option; the answer lies completely with each individual TV. Sadly, he may not be sure of his options until later in life. Most TS's are genetically and chromosonally male so there is no scientific test which can confirm transsexualism, in the way that, for instance, a patient can be tested for diabetes. Most TS' will say that it is a state of mind, which overcomes every other consideration and cannot be ignored. Diagnosis will then be in the hands of a specialist psychiatrist and will involve 'gender counselling'. TV's who recognise these feelings in themselves may want to seek an evaluation at some time but only a small number will go on for full gender reassignment. It is important not to push a TV towards a diagnosis if he is not ready for it.'

What causes it?
Currently, no one is certain what the root cause is, although it is believed to be developmental, much like left handedness. You cannot 'make" someone a Transvestite, either in the womb, or afterwards

Why didn't he tell me sooner?
Even as little boys, Transvestites are aware that others may not approve of what they are doing, so they learn to keep it secret. In the case of those they love, they may believe that this is protecting you. It is a shock to find out something about someone you thought you knew well, but it is best not to let that initial shock push you into any rash decisions.

How common is it?
Numbers are difficult to estimate. Surveys are unlikely to accurately reflect the true scale as men are unlikely to answer truthfully about a subject that they are so strongly programmed shun. Recent surveys estimate a figures ranging from one in ten to one in thirty, although these may include fetishists and drag artists and those that just are interested but not active.

Is there a cure?
Transvestism is not a disease or an illness. Any problems that arise are more often due to Societies attitude towards it and the misunderstandings that stem from it.

He's going out 'dressed' - I am worried he will be harassed or worse beaten up?
Let him know how worried you are so that he has a chance to tell you what precautions he takes. Talk to him about how any 'real girl' needs to be sensible about how to dress and behave in public as they face these threats daily. It is important to have a route in mind which avoids no-go areas and use taxis whenever possible. For daylight forays to the shops 'dressing down' is required to avoid attracting unwanted attention. Trannies should avoid the risk of causing a breach of the peace by using Ladies toilets - so it's a good idea if avoid drinking more than they need to. Unisex disability toilets are always the safest option. Attacks on TVs are comparatively rare and almost unheard of if he follows the rules. Cross-dressing is not illegal so the TV has the law on his side.

My husband wants us to be lesbian lovers and will only make love when he is cross-dressed. I hate the idea, he says I am being selfish. Who is right?
Your husband is sadly not taking your feelings into account. His lesbian love fantasy is his not yours. He needs to understand that he cannot force you into any situation, which you cannot tolerate. Your husband is a man with a man's body. However he may mean by lesbian love that he wants to restrict sexual acts to those available to two women. He may wish to take a more passive role. Sexual relationships have no rules other than YOUR rules. Safe careful experimentation can be surprisingly rewarding. Who knows what any other couple gets up to - with or without cross- dressing in their relationship.

I'm sure that my husband must be gay. He insists that he isn't but I'm not convinced. Am right to be worried?
Most cross-dressers are heterosexual (about 75%) The other 25% are made up of gay, bi-sexual or celibate men. However, some cross-dressers may adopt effeminate behaviour when dressed and may indeed accept male attention comfortably when dressed. This however is more to do with their temporary GENDER identity than their general sexuality. You are certainly at far less risk to losing your man to a gay affair than most women are to losing their man to a hetero-sexual affair.

QUESTIONS FROM MOTHERS

I feel so guilty It must be some thing I did as a mother Where did I go wrong?
You didn't do any thing wrong. One thing we can guarantee is that it is not yours (or anybody's) fault.

I caught him once wearing his sister's clothes as a child but thought that he would grow out of it. Why didn't he?
Cross-dressing is for life and does not go away. It is nearly always established in childhood but many parents are unaware of the behaviour because it is such a secretive act. Most mothers will assume that cross-dressing in children is the same as dressing up. Very young children experiment with dressing up but this is not necessarily an indication of cross- dressing. Dressing up usually occurs spontaneously and openly and will involve other children as a group game. comparatively few children are diagnosed as cross-dressers

We've always been so close, why didn't he tell me about it?
Children sense at a very young age that they are doing something unusual which they believe will make their parents angry. They have no role models so believe that they are unique.

I would like to support my son but my husband will not let me and has threatened to reject my son if he continues with the behaviour. I do not want to cause a family rift but my loyalties are divided. How can I resolve the situation to the satisfaction of both my husband and my son?
Many fathers find the subject very painful to confront and prefer to avoid it if at all possible. Suggest that he phone one of the help lines for an understanding chat. If this is not the solution he is looking for it is often better not to press the point. Wise mothers may then take the discretionary approach.

I suppose this means that he can never marry and have a normal family?
There is absolutely no reason for him not to marry, many cross-dressers are heterosexual married men with children. He will probably find someone who will like him for himself, who he can trust and divulge his 'secret' to. The most successful relationships stem from honesty from the beginning so that girlfriends have an opportunity to explore cross-dressing with him before making a serious commitment.

You may be a lady who has been handed this book by your male friend or partner. He may have 'come out' to you. This book tries hard to explain how trannies feel - but how do YOU feel?
You may be a tranny that feels that it is time to be honest about your cross-dressing with the women around you. But do you know what goes through their mind as you tell them and during the days that follow?
The Beaumont Society have a help line run for women by women all of whom have personal experience of cross-dressing, they are The Women of the Beaumont Society - WOBS. They share here through the Tranny Guide some of the most frequently asked questions from wives, girlfriends and mothers together with the answers they give.

If you are a lady with something else you wish to ask or if you just want to chat with another woman call:
WOBS Women of the Beaumont Society (WOBS)
Address: BM WOBS, London WC1N3XX
E-mail: wobsuk@aol.com
Help lines: 01223-441246, 01389-380389, 01684-578281-QUICK QUESTIONS